For future reference, leave the 3 inch waist line to women in the 19th century and the regret of putting our penises inside you to New Jersey prostitutes.

Give the bitch 2 cups of sugar and access to 8 inch long sex toys and you'll have enough entertainment to last the entire week. Consider your dick terminated.

Yum yum, and yum. Get used to three letter words because that's all you'll be able to muster up if this piece of ass decided to let you win her pussy lottery.

Yum. And might we add, "I'd drag my dick through piles of broken glass just to hear you fart through a walkie talkie" to our list of love letters sent to her email.

Jerk around the net for more than 1 hour & you're bound to find Amber. Which results in being bound to find 4 large extra absorbent bounty paper towels.

It's okay though - at least 90% of you don't have mouths on your dicks so talking won't be a big issue. Not like it could be heard while you choke it out anyway.

And it's definitely not going to be her last. You can tell by that look of complete satisfaction after half her face gets covered in homemade clam chowder.

That effort looks pretty authentic on her part, but the faucet just isn't flowing today. Probably needs another 400 tokens for it to happen. Riggghhhhht.

Hot damn look at those juggernauts. If complete suffocation wasn't such a huge concern, any one of us would go for the motorboat of death in there right now.

And this time looks aren't deceiving. Cash in on this chick if she ever crosses your boner in real life and you'll be thankful that girls watch hardcore porn too.

What the fuck is any single man going to do with all that in his face? Charge friends to use them as a speedbag for starters if he cares about dat money.

This is the sign of a female that will definitely be sampling the long dick of the pro industry sooner than later. Her boyfriend better go for the a-hole now.

If the sex toy industry needed any incentive to keep making quality products, this is it.

Also a shame her chest has seen more plastic surgery than Joan River's asshole. (that's a lot). Her a-sized flapjacks would've been better than these fist bricks.

What a looker. If getting into her pants wasn't harder than getting a ticket for the fucking Avenger's this weekend we'd actually think we had a chance too.

You'd think getting their panties to hit the ground would take a little more effort than a handful of emoticons and 8 cent tokens. But... nope.

There's an episode of South Park that featured Paris Hilton. Go find it, watch the scene in Butter's bedroom, then come back to this. And masturbate furiously.

Looks like a female that actually knows what she wants in life. Don't know if we should be jacking off to something rarer than a dodo bird or her orgasmic moans.