They do the same thing at P.F. Chang's if you try and run out in the bill, except they also pee on you and say a lot of words that don't make sense. Trust me.

When someone remakes the Rocky movies and decides Rocky needs to be black, they probably shouldn't get this guy to play the role.

All that teenage angst had to come out somewhere. Better here than 14 years from now and having to figure out how to hide a dead prostitute.

Never turn your back unless you're walking away from an explosion in a movie. Everyone knows that.

If he wasn't already in the special classes that require you to wear a bicycle helmet at all times, he sure as fuck is now.

The girl was treated for bruising to her head and cuts to her face and was later released from hospital. Police are looking for a black man with a muscular build and shaved head, approximately 6ft tall and between 25-30.

Now he knows another person's House Party 2 VHS is not to be made fun of. There's always a silver lining.

Whether it's overreacting to playful activity or spelling the word "YALE" with a 6, you can always count on the kid from Newark.

Dress like Popeye, go down like Olive Oil. Those are the rules bitch.

Heroism? In Russia? What the fuck kind of sorcery is this?

Well at least she was kinda warned before it happened. It was in a voice that smells of her dad's chewing tobacco, but a clear indication nonetheless.

Seems like black people can do this shit in their sleep. Way to extend the stereotype another millennium guy.

Today's lessons: stereotypes exist for a reason, sucker punching a guy into a coma is never socially acceptable and crackheads don't make dramatic getaways. Class dismissed.

You probably shouldn't punch the guy trying to save your butthole from unexpected penetration. But if you must, make it look something like this.

He may have gone down like a corpse, but still wins the award for only person who doesn't have to meet their parole officer by the end of the work day. And that's damn impressive with this crowd.

With that kind of natural talent he definitely has a great future ahead of him. At White Castle.

Nicholas Cage has a new movie coming out soon. I guarantee sitting through all 104 minutes of it is more painful than what this guy just went through.