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It's not uncommon to pass out from vigorous stroking while sitting in front of a Remy LaCroix flick. Imagine the coffin your dick needs after actually fucking her.

Not his fault. You'd try to self-inflict a concussion to forget you're holding hands with a 1980's love seat too.

Maybe it was smart of him not to hit back. Or maybe he was on his way to CVS to pick up a new bottle of Vagisil. We'll never know for sure.

I don't know who Laura Miller is and I saw her tits before knowing her name. So she's right between stripper and my mom on my list.

She's the kinda girl you only fuck once because there's a good chance she won't remember who had their dick in her. Anything more and you risk a relationship.

It's kinda hard to keep your tough guy status when everything tastes like Tabasco sauce and there's 10,000 volts in your ass. Just ask this guy.

His game plan would have gone off without a hitch if he didn't get that pesky boner in the middle of this.

Well, she's got my vote. And probably my newspaper and MP3 player too.