Pro tip: If you can't fight, don't fucking start one. It's the same rule that stops me from flying helicopters, and having consensually pleasurable sex with women.

Clear winners and losers are a rare commodity in this part of the world. Be happy this time it was decided without a DNA test.

When you see how quickly he hits the ground after the second shot, you'll understand why these guys usually only get tough after a 12 pack of Corona hits their stomach.

Nice kick. Not too sure about the cameraman's method of filming though. Doctors should look into the seizure he's apparently having.

Jimbo finally gets an opportunity to knock a guy out that isn't wearing a tank top and smells like an anchovy's cunt during a frat party and he blows it in record time.

And that's why the only way you should impress your boyfriend is with money.

When you confuse the act of defending yourself with giving grandma a hug, things like this are probably gonna happen.

Equal rights.

That whole "size matters" thing really hits men the hardest when they're of Indian decent.

His teeth were found 2 miles away in a sewer. His pride however, that's gone for good.

Being featured on ShooshTime probably isn't the highlight of that girl's life. But forget that time she got two cheeseburgers for one blowjob, and it starts to be.

Lets all take a moment and be thankful that's not us on the ground possibly soiling their underwear. I prefer to do it standing up in Kate Upton's driveway.

Listen closely for the thud his head makes. That's the sound of everything tasting like dry wall from now on

Well, that's no way to treat your ex-boyfriend now is it?

Like they say. If it looks like a duck, talks like a duck and acts like a duck... it's a fucking idiot.

This is probably why Pixar movies never take place in New Jersey.