And here I thought curry farts in public were the scariest things to come from this country.

Crystal meth isn't the only cool reason to have erection on your cheek anymore.

On a sunnier note, the 12 illegitimate children he can't have in the future thank the gunman for his impeccable aim.

After 15 minutes of thinking about this, consulting friends on Facebook and drawing a Venn diagram, I can't see a way this could have gone right.

Chances of this being fake? 98.5%. Chances of you not caring and still enjoying a complete stranger experience genital pain? 198.5%.

Why.

I'm confused. And slightly jealous.

I'm guess this is what the peak of desperation looks like after no sex for 15 years. 2013 is gonna be a good year for me.

When you see it, you'll shit heterosexuality.

The real question here is, does 4.5 inches of erect penis really constitute sexual assault? Because if it does I think China may have some serious fucking problems on it's hands.

No shame and no chance of being hetserosexual with a penis he openly admits is tootsie roll sized at best. These are the quintessentials of being an Internet hit.

He's slinging sauce at a Peter North level and it's just one O face after another. All gawking at something their boyfriends never gave them.

I'm betting many care packages were dropped for that achievement.

I fear her knowledge on the subject of whale sex is simply too detailed to be book-learned.

After 10 not-so conspicuous glances at his overstuffed Vienna sausage it's clear Annetta is ready to break her vegan diet.

The one time a girl is receptive to a stranger's exposed penis and he has to be older than my dad. If her standards were any lower she'd be fucking Carrot Top.

So... what this tells us is there's a 1 in 4 chance of finding a co-op fap partner on their service. Goodbye Chatroulette, you simply can't compete with that ratio.

And if you think it's just him shooting up directly into his urethra, then you have absolutely no faith in the drug using community.

Having rape immunity is only one of the benefits of being a horse. The other is having a penis you can raise a flag onto.