All athletes are born with the ability to pull off a believable foul. Except this guy.

But we'll be damned if common sense and perfectly working jaw bones are going to get in the way of changing the standard.

That was close. The procreating dipshit in the backwards hat almost got a booboo.

We'd suggest he date like-minded things. But sticking your dick into a can of baby carrots doesn't seem like it would be as much fun as her mouth.

When a girl that has 4 different gift cards to Carl's Jr. does more damage in your street fight than you do it's time to reevaluate things. Starting with your vagina.

What happens when you take an educated man and put him behind the wheel of a 400 HP, rear wheel drive car? No clue, but we'll let you know when it happens.

Suddenly, vasectomies for everyone.

Someone wanna tell Middle-Aged Jeezy and company that their friend just got knocked unconscious and is not drowning? They seem to have their EMT training classes mixed up.

Russian judges scored this a solid 9.0. Then went back to jump kicking their wives.

This takes guts. And the ability to accept that you will never be laid again for the rest of your life by a human female. Kudos.

Someone once told me money can't buy brains. And he was completely fucking right.

I've never been on shit that made me get into a round of fisticuffs with an inanimate object. But after watching this it's clear I need to get on the ball.

If you're wondering about the full-arm gloves, it's because she just assisted a birth. And after that monster was pulled out of Kelly Clarkson, this cow kicked her in the dome.

Source says they didn't receive any painful injuries. But I think the source is a fucking idiot.

I heard they do the same thing to you if you try to run out on the bill at P.F. Changs. They also try to make you marry their daughters and sound like a woodchipper when they talk.

If he didn't already eat all his meals through a straw I'd say he was in some trouble right now.

I'm not entirely sure what the loser's defense is... but it's not working.

Spontaneously shitting yourself at the height of anxiety isn't exactly uncommon. That's why they sell the diapers next to condoms at CVS. Look it up.

All she wanted to do today was make an idiot herself and get a handful sexual harassment charges for future use. No word if she got those charges.