It's kinda hard to keep your tough guy status when everything tastes like Tabasco sauce and there's 10,000 volts in your ass. Just ask this guy.

Slow when executing the crime. Propellers up their ass when they realize the customer is an armed cop.

So what you're saying is his loitering and attempting to film WorldStarHipHop content has been postponed till tomorrow? That hardly seems like news.

Can't imagine what it's like to be so fucking blitzed and stylish at the same time. Where does one find time to hotwire cars in between doing lines and shopping at the Men's Warehouse?

What you can't see is the 20-something-year-old genius going head first into the pole and knocking himself out. But you can hear it, and it might give you a boner.

Douchebags around the country are coming out of the woodwork trying to flex rights they don't know anymore about than YouTube videos have taught them. It's nice to see a cop that knows how to handle them.

Over 20 minutes but fuck is it worth it. Never before has telling an officer to "suck my cock" been so meaningful.

Like they always say. If it looks like a duck, talks like a duck and acts like a duck... it's a fucking idiot.

Great, who is going to post shitty song lyrics on her 2:00AM Facebook status now?

Amazing strategy or just upside down Australian logic in action? You be the judge.

Marijuana is clearly a gateway drug... to stabbing people in the fucking face.

Business as usual in Buttfuck, Arkansas.

How can he slap?

At least he got laid. Does fucking himself over count?

Other then accidentally having sex with a fat girl, this is the one downside to the words "Open Bar".

LOL.

Don't worry. He survived and will be back to clubbing women and children in the face with a baton by the end of the week.

I'm starting to think being catapulted into a hospital bed is just how they say "what's up" in this country.